An Open Letter to the Young Mamas Doing it Alone

I know that sometimes you might feel a little bitter and a little jealous of... Everyone. Everyone who's married with kids or single without them. Because their plans for their lives seem to be written in ink, or sometimes etched in stone, while yours is written with a dull pencil and constantly requires erasing of mistakes and complete restructuring. 

But I hope you never get the opportunity to write your Life Plan in ink. I hope it's constantly changing, constantly requiring restructure and improvement, redirection, and discovery. I hope it's messy and you lose your pencil and have to use every broken crayon in the box to write it. I hope you grow into someone who is okay with a nontraditional, colorful life, and that you show your kids how great it looks to constantly strive for genuine happiness above all else. 

I know that relationship stuff of any kind sucks. I know it's intimidating and removes you from your comfort zone. I know that you feel judged more harshly and have to maintain a facade that never conveys desperation in any sense. I know that you might feel like any semi-cute girl without kids is immediately a better option than you are. Because she has free time. Because she can make him a higher priority. Because she's maybe never been damaged, and therefore must have so much more to give. Because his parents will approve of her and her choices and her plans. 

I hope you can stop comparing yourself to the women your age who don't have children. I hope you remember that you are special. I hope you remember that you are still you and who you are is incredible. I hope you find a balance between motherhood and you-ness that allows you to stop feeling guilty for going on a date that takes away precious time from your kids, and I hope you don't feel guilty for wanting to give him some of your time. For wanting to give you some of your time. I hope you feel confident and as strong as you are. I hope you love you as much as your babies do, and that you open yourself up to the possibility of being loved by someone great. I hope you feel full of wisdom, and that you choose someone wisely, or wisely choose to be alone until the right person comes along. 

I know that the other person who played a role in your kid's creation sucks. I know how much he might've robbed from you. But cut your losses and lock it up. I know it sucks that you don't get to have a break from parenthood, ever. But I hope you feel like you've won. You come out on top and I hope you know that and feel it every night when you put them to bed and every morning when you wake up to their faces. 

 

I know that trying to gauge social settings sucks. Never knowing when to be equal with your peers or to stand up and risk appearing self-righteous by doing the whole "this ain't cool 'cause I'm a mom" thing. But I hope you know when to stand up for yourself and when to let loose, and I hope you take advantage of both of those times. 

I know that being tired sucks.
I know that doing the work of two people sucks.
I know the stigmas suck.
I know that constantly sprinting to keep up with everyone walking at leisure sucks. 
I know that not meeting your own standards sucks. 
I know that trying to keep up with your girlfriends sucks.
I know that trying to keep up with moms who have their shit together sucks. 

I know that struggling sucks.

But I hope you never rest until your job is done. Because you're raising future adults who will recognize it and respect it and work so hard to make you proud. 

I hope you realize that people see you. They see you doing your best and they applaud you because they don't think they'd ever be able to fill your shoes.

I hope you know that you judge you more than anyone else does.

I hope you realize how impressive you are and you give yourself actual, real life, radiating from the inside out, pride and credit for your sacrifices. 

I hope you don't try to fit in with all the groups of friends you have. Because you will always need them for different things. Because some of them will lift you up while others bring you back down to Earth. Because some of them have no idea what it's like to be a mom, and some have no idea what it's like to pay their own bills. Because some are there for advice, and some are there to remind you to have fun. 

I hope you know that people root for you. 

That people love you for you, and only like your kids by association. (JK, they love your kids more than they like you. 100%.) But regardless, especially on days when you don't feel like it,

I really really hope you know that 
you're killin' it, ma. 

 

Love, 

One of you

 

 

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